Well this is my last night at Bowdoin where I will be staying in my own apartment. After this I’m just a visiting bum sleeping on someones couch. All the bums on the net yell hooooo!
Never heard of a peritonsillar abscess? Well I didn’t either until I noticed the creature in the back of my throat!
Here is a clinical description of the ailment:
… a rapidly increasing difficulty in swallowing that occurs after a streptococcal tonsillitis (strep throat). The tonsillitis may seem to be improving for a day or two, but then, one side of the throat becomes increasingly painful. The pain is severe and radiates to the ear. Opening the mouth is difficult and so painful that the patient refuses to eat or swallow. There is drooling of saliva and bad breath. The voice is indistinct and muffled It is referred to as “hot potato speech”. source
That’s right I had 103 fever, insane inner ear pressure and couldn’t really swallow or eat for five days but it was all worth it because I had the sexiest hot potato speech on my street!
How does one get rid of said Peritonsillar Abscess? Well first start on penicillin and Vicodin. Then go to your local throat, nose and ear doctor to have them cut it open and squeeze the puss out. If you’re in Maine you’ll find that the local specialist probably operates out of his home with his wife, and has been doing this procedure since his tour of duty in WWII.
First you will get shot up with novocaine, then if the specialist remembers, he’ll give you a bowl to hold under your mouth. If he doesn’t, now’s the time to ask for one, it will come in handy. Next the Doc will turn on a bright light behind your head and pull a mirror down over his left eye with a hole in center which allows him see the bright light that is being reflected into your mouth. Once he’s got that eye thing on he means business, just hold the bowl and don’t move. Now the doc is going to make a feeble attempt to suction the blood out of the abscess with a syringe, don’t worry that won’t work at all.
After some probing it will be time for the knife. This is the least painful part provided a sharp knife is used. After a few quick slices a bloody Niagara falls flows from your mouth and with in seconds you feel like whatever was living in the back of your throat must be dead and its time to go home.
Not so fast! The best part is yet to come. After you spit blood while Doc takes a leak, remember he’s an old fart, its time for the squeezing. He grabs the locking pliers and sits down in front of you this time with a more sympathetic look on his face. With the eyepiece fully engaged he locks the pliers on to the back of your throat and proceeds to pull downward to “remove all the puss.” With a slightly muffled hot potato voice you’ll express your extreme discomfort with a “uh that hurts.” He’ll take out the pliers and then say he needs to do it once more. That really means he needs to do it three more times but he’s trying to be nice. When he’s done you can wash your mouth out and then get in your car and drive to work. If someone annoys you at work for the next four hours you can just flash them a bloody fight club smile and they’ll probably just leave you alone.
Lesson learned? Not all sore throats are created equal. Don’t make out with 5000 girls in the same night, stick to 4000 and keep it safe. Then after you’ve made out with only 4000 girls and you get a sore throat, don’t continue to party until it gets worse.
Yeah, so I’ve just created my first blog, where do I get my trophy. I’m probably going to be able to get so many more ladies now that I have a blog… oh boy oh boy!
In all seriousness though, I am creating all this as way for all my friends to keep up to date with one another. Sure the occasional mass email is fun and effective but this will hopefully prove to be more entertaining with the photogallery and witty banter… oh and my rediculous spelling mistakes.
So after posting about wanting to work for Google I was contacted by Pat Donahue at Structural Wealth Managment, a financial management start-up in [San Francisco, CA](http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&geocode=&q=530+Jackson+St,+San+Francisco,+CA+94133&sll=37.77916,-122.42007&sspn=0.175295,0.252342&ie=UTF8&ll=37.796492,-122.403831&spn=0.175254,0.252342&z=12&iwloc=addr). While Google would have provided a great learning environment with many bright people to learn from, they have done much of their growing.
Structural Wealth has a small but bright staff and lot more room to grow so I’ll be learning and involved in architecting a revolutionary product. Sounds like a [win-win-win](http://www.tv.com/the-office/conflict-resolution/episode/631894/recap.html).
Not Sure where I’m going to be living yet but I’ll figure that out later.